The body keeps the score

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 Did you know that by just thinking about your past wounds or trauma, your brain makes you feel like it is happening to you in real time. You end up re-living the trauma and the pain repeatedly and your body goes into a hyper vigilance mode. Imagine being suddenly faced by a wild animal in a jungle. All your blood rushes into your hands and legs with an attempt to give you the best chance to escape and run away from the danger. That is what happens to your body even in the comfort and safety of your own home, if you just think about your past trauma. Anxiety disorders and CPTSD-Complex Post trauma Stress Disorders can happen to us when there is no real threat but our bodies convince us that we are in danger. You go on about your day in a state of constant stress and anxiety and begin to believe that it is normal to feel that way.

Having said that, it is not possible to heal from your pain without validating or processing what happened to you. So if you ask me can you avoid going through this cycle of pain by avoiding thinking about it, i would say No. To some extent you can keep re-directing and re-focusing your attention to the present moment where you are actually safe. But whenever the past pops up in your mind, show some compassion to your pain , validate it , get support from family or friends who offer you a safe space to open up about your pain without shaming you or making you defensive and lastly get support from trauma informed therapists/psychologists/coaches who can guide you in your healing process. 



One of the most common pain areas for survivors is being invalidated by those close to them regarding their pain. Some are even made to feel bad or ridiculed for their pain and made labelled as crazy when they try to get support to heal from their pain. That puts them in a spot where they keep explaining about their pain and it continues to retraumatize them. Their body then shows signs of prolonged exposure to abusive environment as unexplained health issues start coming up. You may start running to doctors and healers trying to understand what is making you unwell, only to realize that you have given away your power to someone else with your thoughts about them and making yourself more unwell.

So how do you create a safe space for yourself in your body and mind?
Here is a list of things which I feel may help you to get started on this healing journey:
1. Visualize a safe place that you know or an imaginary one. Notice how you feel when you think about this safe place
2. Notice your breath and slow down your breath in counts of 4- Breathe in for 4 counts, hold for 4 and breathe out for 4 counts. Practicing pranayama on a daily basis helps you a lot with creating a sense of calm and peace in your mind and body
3. Shift your focus towards gratitude- List 2 things that you are grateful for today. Note that your mind can't be upset/agitated/ angry and grateful at the same time.
4. Get into support groups to vent out and process your pain
5. Go for a brisk walk/jog and listen to some podcast or uplifting songs. Move those negative emotions out of your body.
6. Play your favorite music and just dance
7. Create a coping kit where you have a readymade list of activities or things to do when you are struggling to feel safe 
8. Get into the practice of asking yourself "Am I 100% safe right now? How am i feeling ?"
9. Do not give your power away to anyone with your thoughts or energy. Whenever you notice you are overthinking, snap out of it, give yourself a count down, write about it and tear it up but just process and get out of that state of mind
10. Set healthy boundaries with anyone who messes with your peace of mind. For anyone who repeatedly crosses your boundaries, state the consequences of crossing your boundaries clearly and follow through. Physically distance yourself from anyone who retraumatizes you or makes you feel unsafe

Your healing journey may take a long time- days, months and sometimes even few years to completely heal and recover. Show yourself compassion in your healing journey with positive self talk and don't be too hard on yourself. 

You go this. I believe in you and i believe you will heal and live a toxic free, abuse free life ahead. 

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